3 Ways to Respond to Conflict

Jerome Gay Jr.   -  

If you’ve ever been in an argument, which I think all of has, you’ve had disagreements with people that can linger and sometimes, there comes a moment when neither of you are listening to each other in the midst of that argument.

So, how do you argue?

Ken Sande, in his book Peacemakers, talks about three ways to respond to conflict and two types of responders; attackers and escapers.

3 Ways to Respond to Conflict
  • Escape Responses – People use the escape response when they’re primarily interested in avoiding a conflict than they are resolving it (see green and want to run away).
  • Attack Response – People use the attack response because they’re more concerned about winning in conflict than they are restoring and preserving the relationship (see red and want to stop everything).
  • Peacemaking Responses – These responses are rooted in the gospel and commanded by God and are directed toward finding mutually agreeable and edifying solutions to conflict. Some ways to achieve this are to Overlook and Offense, Reconcile, Negotiate, Mediation, Arbitration, Accountability and Consideration.

One of the biggest ways my wife, Crystal, and I have been helped by our counselor is applying these five words, “can I make a request?” This question helps me to consider what Crystal is saying and to listen to her.

In the book of Hebrews, the Christians reading this letter are having an eternal conflict because they’re discouraged by persecution and tempted to go back to legalism. Our author makes a simple, yet profound request: he encourages them to consider Jesus.

The same way when we argue and we think about all of the reasons we’re right, or all the reasons why we’re not being listened to, sometimes we need a can I make a request moment to consider Jesus and not lose focus. In chapter 2, he told us to pay attention and now he’s telling us to simply consider Jesus.

Heb. 3:1
Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession.

Take Note…

Considering Jesus keeps you from mental and missional drift.

Hebrews is an extremely interconnected book; the entire Bible is, but several times throughout the book, we’re presented with the words, “therefore” or the phrase “for this reason.” Both indicate the necessity of remembering what was said before in order to understand what’s being communicated.

Last week, chapter 2 pointed us back to chapter 1 and chapter 3 recaps chapters 1 and 2. This is why it starts with the word, “therefore.”

Therefore, since Jesus is better than angels, better than all humanity, better than the prophets and the exact imprint of God’s nature, we should listen to Him.

Our author also ups the ante by saying He’s also greater than Moses. Before explaining why, our author uses one word to take his readers out of their slump of hopelessness. He encourages them to, “consider” Jesus.

The word for consider is the Greek word katanoeo and it means to meditate and contemplate. The point our author is making is that those reading this letter are under immense persecution and they’re tempted to attempt to be justified by the law; they’re drifting mentally as they look at their situation which is currently riddled with persecution.

What our author did in one verse was give us the key to coming out slumps of hopelessness and mental turmoil, we simply need to consider Jesus.

Watch the Full Message

This week, consider Jesus more that your challenges, and it’ll get you back on track mentally and missionally. You don’t have to ignore your problems, just don’t give them ALL of your attention, consider Him!

Pin It For Later

3 Ways to Respond to Conflict